To Wait and Hope
Photo Credit: Eli and Mitch
Two years ago Eli and Mitch became eligible to adopt an infant in Minnesota. To get to that point, they had numerous conversations about starting and having a family and had their lives and marriage gone over with a fine-tooth comb. Now, in addition to doing what is required to remain eligible to adopt, Eli and Mitch are sharing their story more widely in the hopes that it will get to the right person, and they will finally get the phone call that their child has arrived.
The couple met back in fall of 2012 at an event at a friend’s house to support the defeat of the marriage amendment that was on the ballot that year in Minnesota. Eli initially thought Mitch wasn’t available, but he learned otherwise by the end of the night. They also had mutual friends who were conspiring to set them up. They crossed paths again at a Super Bowl party the following year and went on their first date in February of 2013.
Mitch describes their relationship as a slow burn. Eli said he felt a comfort with Mitch that only grew with time. A big moment came one night as Mitch dropped Eli off at his apartment after a night out. Mitch said “Love you” as Eli got out of the car.
In 2017, they started discussing marriage and looking into wedding venues. It was at a Friendsgiving that same year that they shared they were getting married, which they did the following October in Decorah, IA at the Hotel Winneshiek. They chose Decorah because they are both graduates of Luther College and had fond memories of the city. Also, it was easy for family and friends to get to, and it was much more affordable compared to venues in the Twin Cities.
Mitch and Eli loved their wedding, and it was fun! The day started with a 5k walk/run. Their friend, Kelly, who’d become a Methodist minister, married them in front of their family and friends. Eli and Mitch had wedding donuts instead of cake, and the DJ was awesome. Their wedding was so fun, even the people working it said it was fun.
They began talking about starting a family not long after they got married and researched surrogacy and adoption. They concluded adoption was the best path for them, so in the spring of 2019, they attended an adoption information session at Children’s Home Society Lutheran Social Services. They learned more about the tracks for adoption and what the process was for each. In the early stages of their journey, they didn’t share their plans with family or friends, because they didn’t want to get their hopes up.
They needed references for an application, so Mitch and Eli asked two close friends, which is when they started telling family and friends. Mitch remembers getting on a conference call with his two sisters to share the news, and they were absolutely thrilled and excited for him and Eli. He remembers though, amid the excitement and joy, reminding them that there were no guarantees of them becoming parents.
Eli and Mitch completed applications, fulfilled a required number of hours of training, completed an inventory of their marriage and went through a home study. Along the way, they discussed in depth what they were open to taking on in a child. They also realized early on that they will have some kind of relationship with the birth parent(s), because of changes in adoption laws and practice, so being as honest and authentic about who they are from the start was essential.
Mitch and Eli don’t know if any prospective birth parent(s) has seen their information. They also know families that have been waiting a lot longer than them for their child to arrive. Mitch says they understand that it may be their destiny to be the fun uncles to their nieces and nephews whom they love very much. But for now, they continue to take steps to remain hopeful. They meet with their social worker from the adoption agency to get updates and check in on how they are doing and attend webinars to remain eligible to adopt. They also recently met with another couple on a similar adoption journey to talk and commiserate. Their hope was boosted when friends, who started the adoption process about a year before them, recently finalized the adoption for their infant son, so they know it happens. Also, the incredible support from family, friends and colleagues helps them remain hopeful on this journey to start their family.
Before their wedding, Eli and Mitch knew that they’d done everything they could to make their guests feel welcomed and comfortable, so whatever was going to happen would happen. The same is true for starting their family. They have and are doing everything they can to make it happen and will accept whatever the outcome is. They continue to wait and hope, because they have so much to offer a child, including a loving community of family and friends and their very cute and spoiled dog, Sullivan. Their child will be loved from the moment of arrival, and their hope is they will grow into a kind and good person.
To Learn More
Please visit Eli and Mitch Adopt to learn more. And thank you for sharing this post with others.
