Survival, Healing and Peace
Photo Credit: Lori Pappas
Lori Pappas was the picture of success. In 1999, at 49 years old, she was headed into retirement after selling the company she founded, JobBOSS Software, Inc. She looked forward to traveling and volunteer work. But what no one saw underneath all her success was the trauma that lived within her as a result of abuse she experienced at the hands of her mother. In fact, Lori didn’t even see it. She knew what she had gone through and got away from it as soon as she could. She built within herself an armor that protected her pain and kept most everyone else out. It wasn’t until she went through therapy, including EMDR Therapy, that she came to see and address the trauma she carried. Survival, healing and peace are three words that describe Lori’s life journey. Today, she is helping other women be comfortable in their own skin and experience greater happiness and joy.
Survival
The first part of Lori’s life journey was about survival: her mother's abuse, unfulfilling and unhappy marriages, the demands of being a single mother and successful entrepreneur and the sexism and sexual harassment she experienced being a pioneer in the tech industry. Lori grew up at a time when young women were saddled with expectations about who they should grow up to be and what they were going to do. But even at a young age, she knew she possessed special gifts. She is good with numbers, a quick study and good at figuring things out. Perhaps most importantly, she is very good at reading people and seeing who they really are on the inside.
Lori’s mom was a religious fanatic who thought Lori was possessed by the devil going so far as to try and have an exorcism performed on her. Her parents ended up committing her to a mental institution. Lori knew her father loved her, but he was trapped by his own expectations and went along with her mom in order to maintain his marriage. It was a time when facilities like the one she was in used lobotomies and electroshock therapy to treat patients, and Lori didn’t want to be subjected to either. She figured out a way to gain her release and headed out west to build a life for herself far from her mother.
Lori says she married her first husband because she was looking for someone to love her, but they were not a good match. Soon they had two young daughters. Lori tried to be a good wife and stay-at-home mom, but she needed more. A neighbor of hers was making a lot of money working in sales and Lori thought, “If she can do it, so can I.” It wasn’t easy to find a sales job with two young children and no college degree, but she finally got hired to sell mainframe computers for a local Sperry Univac branch. It didn’t take her long to become the top sales person.
Lori knew she got sales appointments because men wanted to check her out. But she knew the product and how it could make them money, so they listened. By this time, Lori was divorced and raising her two daughters. She was making really good money and lonely. But she didn’t acknowledge it just like she didn’t acknowledge the sexist and sleazy comments some of her coworkers and customers directed toward her. She simply brushed them off as stupid or strange.
Lori recently asked former JobBOSS employees, who are now dear friends, what it was like working for her. Their response was that she was kind but very tough. She married for a second time after giving birth to her son. She describes the marriage as functioning but unfulfilling. It ended in divorce even though she and her partner went through marriage counseling off and on for much of their 25 years together. Lori was caring for her husband, kids and employees. She even cared for her mother who had caused her so much pain. With so many depending on her, she had to hold it together. She felt like she had a mass of molecules crashing around within her and if they leaked out, she would fall apart.
Healing
The first five years of her retirement, Lori had time as she never had before. Her kids were older and needed her in a different way. She was financially secure and had time to garden, volunteer and travel. She also had time to start thinking about and challenging her beliefs. This was the start of her healing.
When Lori was introduced to and went through EMDR Therapy, she finally saw the trauma she had carried within her for so long as a result of her mother’s abuse. She came to understand her mother took away the sanctity of her being by saying she was not a valued individual. With this new insight, Lori reflected on the encyclopedia of her experiences to understand how her trauma shaped her beliefs, experiences and relationships.
It was during this time of reflection while traveling in Africa, she encountered a young girl who was begging and clearly unwell. Lori had a granddaughter who was about the same age as the little girl. She realized that the little girl had done nothing to earn the life she was living any more than she had done anything to deserve the life she had. She found her purpose. She wanted to use her gifts to help end chronic poverty and dependence in developing countries.
After doing research and talking to people more knowledgeable about international development than she was, Lori founded Global Team for Local Initiatives. She spent the next eight years living in Ethiopia with the Hamar people who live in an area hit hard by drought and civil unrest. Lori built relationships, especially with tribal leaders, and helped improve the community’s quality of life. With none of the usual distractions around her, she continued to reflect and make meaning of her life experiences in order to continue healing. A lot of good was accomplished but after eight years, Lori and GTLI had to leave Ethiopia abruptly due to civil unrest.
Peace
Lori’s daughter talked her into trying online dating, which is how she met her current husband. She had no plans to remarry, but says he is the first person that she was willing to let in and see her true self. She says if she had met him earlier in her life, she wouldn’t have been ready for him. She needed to focus on her own healing before she could open herself up to another person. They celebrated their eighth wedding anniversary back in August.
Like many people, Lori is troubled by what is happening in the world today. But she is living with more peace in her life than she ever has. The mass of molecules is no longer crashing around within her, and she is no longer fearful of falling a part. Her willingness to see and deal with her trauma is how she got to where she is today. She is now living her purpose by helping other women. Her book, The Magic of Yes, which is described as an inspirational guidebook to tap into your power and resilience, will be published in early 2025. She recently launched LoriPappas.com to share lessons learned along the way, Sticky Thoughts where she shines a light on extraordinary ordinary women and a private Facebook group, Wise Woman Sisterhood, a vibrant community of women. She is planning to return to Ethiopia for the first time in many years next summer. Life is good and it’s been quite a journey.
Learn More
Visit LoriPappas.com to learn more and pre-order The Magic of Yes.
Visit Sticky Thoughts to read about extraordinary ordinary women.
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